Completed Stories from Invent a Story

Urine & Meatballs

2010-02-07T11:45:28Z

After reading Jonah & The Whale, Shaggy was confused from the enjoyable friction that his M & M's were causing inside of his front pocket.

Sluggishly, he made his way to the locker room where he pulled out the Three Stooges and screamed with joy like a fool & his money.

Drunk & Disorderly, he pissed all over the floor which he then wiped up with his comic books.

He realized too late that his favorite Babe Ruth comic book had been ruined in tidal waves of his urine.

The shiny liquid ran fast into pools that melted into the carpet.

It was hot & sweaty for lack of a better description, and looked as sensual as...

Harrison Ford. It was so very pretty.

But when there were science tests ran on it... calling it pretty was a little white lie. It was instead found to be dangerous.

The main scientist on the job won a Nobel Peace Prize for this finding. He traveled all over the world giving speeches, staying at the ost expensive and luxurious Hotels & Motels .

What the rest of the guests at the Sheraton in NY didn't know was that the scientist had smuggled explosives in some swedish meatballs into his room... Now he just had to contact his leader to finish the terrorist attack that would end his misery and give him his act of vengeance towards the women who had left him...

wild search for love

2010-01-22T10:30:18Z

Im a pretty wild person. I like tasty pancakes and long walks in the park. I've been dating for years and have slept with many women but Im ready to settle down and do the whole camping & campfires routine. I've lived in the city for all of my life. Im a gigolo and Im ready for a serious, committed relationshiop.

You could consider me as being one of the lucky ones that got away without contracting a sexual transmitted disease. I am looking for a women that is luscious and enjoys baking cookies and willing to go on a quest to save endangered species.

Nothing quick & dirty, you understand. I need someone who is as flamboyant as I am, but hopefully they don't suffer from migraine headaches like I do.

I don't want any more sloppy lovers, nor do I need any of those difficult to get on with; I really wish I had a loving man and a comfortable house to lead a peaceful life in.

Is it just too much for the cosmic universe to give me that? I mean what's good for the goose & the gander after all... If you scratch my back, Universe, I'll scratch yours. Just don't turn over too quickly because you may flip everyone upside down.

New Yorkers seem to have a more peaceful existance than I.

Sometimes I wish I could just live in outer space. I am proud to admit I am just that sick of the lack of peace in my life.

I wanted to live like the Americans do. Sure, they are nerdy, but at least they live in peace.

They throw frisbees at each other every time they meet up. It's a mesmerizing thought, but what could you do about those Americans? I thought they were wealthy, they have Hills & Valleys and they are generally nice people, I decided I would take a train.

And after the long ride and writing many love letters...I decided to quit my job.

Sarah Palin Autobiography excert

2010-01-17T07:47:53Z

hello, at these days i'm felling very delicate and wild

with these unbelievable shiny chains stocked from the CIA

she felt quick & dirty. He's a charismatic guy, though!

They dressed up in their kinky outfits for a quick game of 'Cat & Mouse'... and then she let slip that she'd always wanted to try pole vaulting.

And while that is bad, pole vaulting isn't the worse thing she wanted to try.

She wanted to try rubbing poison ivy all over John Travolta.

That would be incredibly difficult no matter how charming she could be.

Then she had a rather powerful yet repulsive idea....

It was sophisticated enough to include a spooky plot of death & taxes, her plan was sophisticated, yet simple: she wanted to murder people to get their tax back

As arrogant as it sounds, she was positive this would all end in a movie starring Tom Hanks.

There is already a title....duh

2010-01-17T07:37:11Z

Sand Phony

was a land pony, who loved Faith Hill and leaf blowers.

At that time, Faith Hill loved comic books. They were more important than finding a hairy man to spend the rest of her cold, scary life with.

Had she been straight, such a man would have been perfect for her. But no, she was too famous for that. She needed a woman with a crazed appetite... for DEATH.

Then they could take airplanes to the wine country and live their confused life rolling in the poison ivy while listening to music and reading Crime & Punishment (translated into Japanese, then back into English).

They were painfully lazy people.

They would never become lifeguards or be in the Olympics.

But they could be hunters. Not everyone hunted with handguns, but they were unique if they were nothing else.

Once upon a time there was a homeless ninja called Ernie. Ernie had a dream and that was to cook hot dogs. But one day a camera solded his hot dogs, Ernie tryed to get them back by roundhouse kicking but he failed he said it was hard and complicated.

Ernie then came up with the idea to go to Africa to get hotdogs. The idea was absurd, but he went anyway

American T-shirts causing suicides in masses...here's a personal story

2010-01-17T04:39:03Z

I drove my Saturn in the dark night.

As I made my way down the street I, my 4-Door wagon began to make weird noises. I turned on the hazard lights and pulled over. A gush of hot air rushed over my skin as I made my way to the hood. The hood was heavy. By the time I had it fully opened, I was Hot & Sweaty. I was so sweaty that my t-shirt became transparent like those at wet t-shirt contests. I wasnt the only one who noticed; a disgusting elderly man stared at my chest as he approached me.

I thought it might be clever to head the supermarkets to get myself a new shirt.

I saw tons of funny looking t-shirts but none of them were as valuable to me as the shirt I bought on my first gig. I decided to go and have fun in the mountains, riding a llama or whatsoever.

It was the time of Mardi Gras, and trying to keep your shirt on was a hopeless endeavour. Still, I came across a T-shirt stall - set back from the mountain path - with one particularly funny design for sale...

It was a picture of the Rocky Mountains and on the back it said "Witches show their teats too" So it would be a good one to wear while flashing away. It might sound strange, but hey....we're Americans.

We live life so dangerous it's repulsive.

One misstep at the zoo and our funeral could be near.

Seeing me in leg braces would make me the laughing stock of my neighborhood.

The neighbourhood had enough of my swift cheese smell. They thought it was disgusting. I used to be very fragile as a kid. And to this day I have a trauma of being a laughing stock of the neighbourhood. I decided to commit suicide..

Horrible Hollywood Clowns

2010-01-17T01:24:43Z

One day I was walking down the street and noticed something in the stars.

But really it was just the Hollywood sign in the distance. I always wanted to go there. It's so violent and fun there. It's never sick & twisted there. Oh I long to go be famous!

Hollywood is famous. People drink root beer there so they can go to the next party thats in 5 minutes.

They can join a party even still in pajamas.

That's how extraordinarily cool they were. Even if they only wore a leather thong, it couldn't have dampened their image.

They were ready, at all times, to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine.

I wondered how such perfect people lived lives where peace & quiet just simply didn't exist.

Driving around in their Sport utility vehicles, They all looked like clowns to me.

Ugly clowns, high on gas fumes. Laughing with their carcinogen cigarettes. Smoking through the holes in their chest.

Black & Blue marks on his face by getting punched so many times for no good reason. Now that's a scary clown people.

The Endless Slide of Life

2009-06-18T15:27:45Z

If Captain Kirk were around, he'd probably be using twitter to talk to the Klingons.

"@Mr.Spock I'm Clueless about the highly illogical nature of social graphs and social objects."

Quick, call the scientists and ask them how this crazy thing works!

@scotty fire turkeys

Cold War

Socks

Not just regular socks but old dirty grungy socks. Like something you would imagine a homeless guy wearing.

It was frightening to him how far he had slide down the big slide of life.

Fortunately weapons dealers were abundant at the bottom of this slide--he was finally able to fight his way back to the top.

The killing was addictive--in fact he enjoyed it--but he finished what he set out to do, he was back at the top of the slide.

WTF?

2009-01-11T15:35:25Z

I like magical cats. They come from an acient place named "Woogie Woogie". They have really pretty women who are humorious, but the magical cats protect them. Im not normally afraid of cats, but they are armed & dangerous when they look after the funny women.

I set out a bunch of full garbage cans to distract the cats long enough to perform a Bill Clinton on a few of the women.

The winter months are rather cold and leave their mark on the pine trees.

In winter the democrats rather sit on a beach having fun on beach parties than in school cafeterias.

Which is extremely irritating for me since I adore the beautiful snowflakes during winter. The air is crisp & delicious and the raws from the sun reflecting off the snow is sparkling & glitzy.

But what do I know, I make duct tape for a living and my colon is a little sluggish, especially after a vindaloo.

I remember having an operation once to repair the damage caused by one particularly funky curry.

That was when I had my gall bladder removed. I don't tell many people about this. It's just not manly.

It was good they removed that plump & tender gall bladder of mine when they did. It took a hook & ladder truck to put out the fire I got in my belly whenever I ate. I fell to the floor sick & twisted around, writhing in pain.

Then robots came and gave me some atomic bombs that I used to save the day.

Cows rituals and the likes

2008-10-21T08:51:32Z

The non-organic cows walked one by one to be slaughtered. The "humain" process was a yucky one.

The ancient, twisted, meat-eating rituals of the time of the industrial revolution were over, though.

Birthday cake had an offensive idiotic flavor.

Paul thought to himself. He was happy no one remembered his birthday. He'd rather be milking a cow while singing Dixie Chicks than eat birthday cake with so-called friends; and besides, he was leaving in two hours for a whole summer.

He was hoping to avoid all the usual Touchy-Feely nonsense from his friends and was looking forward to the stunning views that the mountains would provide.

So once they crossed the rivers he decided he would tell Cleopatra that she sould distract the rest while he slipped away from the crowd.

How delightful the exploration would be! He began to get a dreamy expression on his face.

In fact, as perverse as it may sound. He began to get a killer errection as he thought of the exploration. He was no Goody-Goody. No sir!

He began to get his sick sense of perversion after hanging out with the construction workers he once worked with. They nicknaked him Juicy after they could tell he had become 'one of them'.

His filthy thoughts made him do strange things while hanging out with the construction workers once again. At one particular time, during the discussion of space & time theory, he suddenly began pouring oil & vinegar on one of the construction workers' head. For that he was forced to eat vinegar flavored ice-cream, much to the delight of the construction workers' group and to his sheer hatred towards his life. In the end he found himself sipping Georgia O'Keeffe..

OMG! He's gonna kill Britney!

2008-07-22T23:02:56Z

There were once three actresses, and they all owned hummingbirds.

The hummingbirds liked to listen to rock and roll. However, they were watching Thelma & Louise and soon became foot loose & fancy free while giving each other devious kisses.

But not as shocking as witty airplanes flying around like bumblebees. My school

... likes to eat turkeys on a leg of donkeys, see bert & ernie make out in the conner everyday, but it was perfect.

He felt just fine observing the relaxing view on the seaside.

He may be old now but sitting where he was he still felt the old power and glory that was once him. He saw an object to his left. A seashell. He began to get an idea..

A sudden memory of Joan Of Arc dawned on him when he looked up at the dark sky of the starry night. He started reminding himself all the story he was taught in elementary school. At the moment the idea crystallised.

It was probably a bad idea. But he got the idea from his memory of Joan of Arc, and something Britney Spears once said.

"I will become skin & bones again. y'all just wait and see" She had said. He started to think that ground up and decomposed...she just might be useful for once as fertilizer.

Ice cream and strawberries laced with LSD

2008-07-03T23:48:49Z

"How thoughtful." said the sophisticated young girl to the boy that brought her the bowl of ice cream and strawberries.

When she made it to the bottom of the bowl, Bert & Ernie (of Sesame Street fame), stared back at her and she thought: "My hair is so tame. Maybe I should die it bright red."

Then suddenly, Walt Disney, Ernest Hemingway and Jack The Ripper appeared across the street, running a marathon.

The man walking the dog across the street was delighted to see Ernest Hemmingway was a sporty fellow, but a feeling of horror came over him as he realized Hemmingway was going to lose the marathon to Mel Gibson.

But suddenly, Mr. Bean was running so fast naked with his very shiny black shoe.

He hardly noticed his lack of clothes so much as he noticed the uncolorful nature of his shoe.

But as the minutes passed he returned his attention to the task before him. He'd be damned if he was going to let George Washington get the better of him this time.

But his thoughts quickly drifted elsewhere. "Mermaids are awesome!" He thought.

They taste very delicious.

Much better than eggplant anyway.

Weird Science

2008-07-02T02:50:16Z

Reading & writing are concepts lost in today's world. Now, all Jimmy wants to do is text on his phone. It makes me want to pull my hair out, but then I would need some new & improved organic hair.

Of course, reading & writing will not be needed once the brutal forest fires hit, in accordance to the prophecy. New & improved organic hair, however, will keep the eccentric high and dry.

The brilliant solutions coaxed out of the cranky hair will seem weak at first, but as time coaxes its secrets out of the new science people will begin to realize their true potential.

NO! I must be the one to show the people the potentials of bringing ice & snow to the ancient planets of Venus & Mars.

"Be calm," i told myself, "cool & collected. That's the ticket." Slowly and stealthily i began removing nuts & bolts from my rival's invention. The satisfaction of my impending victory was almost sensual.

My nimble fingers dissected the piece before me and my toes tingled at the sight of the radiant items dropping onto the table beside me.

Long & lean, my fingers made quick work of the dissection. Sipping my root beer, I gazed triumphantly at the table, satisfied with my achievement.

My future was about to be brighter. I'd be able to afford the tattoos I wanted from the profits I'd surely recieve on this.

They wouldn't call me Dumbo anymore. It would be glorious to see the looks on their faces when they saw how rich I was going to be.

The American dream along with red roses was going to be at my feet at last!

The adventures of Alan and Bill

2008-06-28T04:47:09Z

Once upon a time, in the technological lands of Silicon Valley was a pimp named Alan Greenspan who was one helluva pimp.

Decided technological lands of "Silicon Valley" wasn't Cardboard enough for him. So he went to the Nerdyerness falls of Autry Mill. There he met a patriotic man who wasn't that social with other folks, and they

They reenacted the Attack on Pearl Harbor by Hang Gliding off the roof of "Frank's Patriotic Big & Tall Shop" and proceeded to beat anyone they saw with nine irons.

After they hang glided, they gave hugs to each other, and were arrested for assault and battery of the victims of their nine irons.

Soon the festering wounds of the victims kill them and the two witty men were able to out smart there way out of jail by giving the police aged linguine with clam sauce

The linguine had the police thinking the Loch Ness Monster was behind it all, so the patriotic man and Alan were able to have the charges dropped.

And then Abbot & Costello came and sang an entertaining round of about the metric system, which made everyone long for death & taxes on wine.

The glitzy song even brought Bill Clinton out to the show, after making his room all neat & clean after Monica Lewinsky left. He thought about buying a house so he wouldn't have to clean up after her before his wife returned.

So Bill Clinton had a brilliant idea to buy a house in Iraq where he owns a hash farm run by frail Iraqi kids who plan on starting a revolution.

Unfortunately for him, his wife Hillary told him work on ways to allow a bunch of fresh illegal immigrants into America and give them more benefits than Americans have instead of daydreaming about a house in Iraq.

Eventually all the singing, political commentary and whatnot subsided, and Alan Greenspan made his get-away from the cops with his patriot friend. Because they both had a strong affinity for American economic policy and large belt buckles, they immediately left for Dead Fish Texas--home of "Sam's Fine Beltbuckles"--on recommendation from Adam Sandler.

Dead Fish was famous for being a no fly zone for the federal anti-drug force choppers. Bill and Alan new that hash and tattoo parlors would be plentiful there

Now, you may be wondering why Bill and Alan get along so well, it all goes back to that flirtatious weekend they spent together in summer camp...alone.

With Ronald McDonald.

And Stephen King.

...arguing in the room next door, it made it difficult for Bill and Alan to get to know each other. Gunshots were fired in the room next door, so it was decided that after their earlier disagreements with the cops Alan thought It may be better to leave the Scene of the Crime quickly before they were questioned.

They fled through the huge woods barefoot, hand and hand.

once they found a safe sleeping ground with haunting looking goats, they laughed until one of them coughed up a large amount of burning liquid. An idea of selling this burning liquid came into the other's mind and impossible ideas ran as fast as a waterfall.

Bill said "You could could sell that in Supermarkets, I'm sure!" Alan seemed thoughtful, but was looking longingly at the goats.

"Ick, why are you staring at those goats like that!" Bill said. "Stick to clueless choir boys, their spotless innocence makes them like puppets to our slavish sexual deviancy."

"But why would they endure the painful sexual exploitation?" Alan thought. He dared not say his thoughts aloud, as it wouldn't be polite.

He just kept on enjoying their extreme doings.

Soon the goats' behinds were raw from their senseless sexual activities. They will never forget to tell this story during any high school reunions that may come up.

It may sound absurd, but most things are with Alan and Bill.

This is the type of people Higs School football players usually turn out to be.

The witch hunt

2008-06-28T02:15:13Z

In Carilon Square, on a cold night, I walked barefooted to the bench.

All I was wearing was a flamboyant dress from the 1960s, one that looked like the kind that small girls put on their Barbie dolls while their brothers are watching cartoons with trashy plots.

I have to say, it looked stunning on me with its long, flowing lines and flattering hems.

My boobs looked like cupcakes waterskiing under a silky sea of inspirational magnificence.

They are my hot & heavy girls, they are the source of all my power.

And so, bracing against any nosebleeds, i set out for my witch hunt.

The first place to hunt witches would be in high school reunions.

I should know, because my high school prom was loaded with witches. I wish I knew how to hunt them back then. Now I'm ready, after having received thorough training as a witch-hunter. I know their weakness. My garlic grenades will tear them apart. "To the high school reunion!" I said to the taxi driver.

So off I headed in the Taxi. I stepped into the school cafeteria with the grenades in the pack on my back. The first people I saw was a couple who had picked on me rather badly, Fred & Wilma. Any doubt I had before was quicky shot dead, as there was simply no way that Wilma wasn't a witch.

I began to feel like a new person as I quietly slipped one of the grenades out of my pack. Goodbye King's High School class of 1992!

Joe

2008-06-28T02:11:50Z

Joe loves his Cheesy Handcuffs.

Joe is a boring, mystical creature who loves to play miniature golf.

But Joe don't have a gender. He (or she) have that name becouse that is the first word that the eggplant (her mather) has read on an Old newspaper...

Her "mather", as stated before, was born and raised in Detroit...that's right DETROIT. The Pole Vaulting capital of Africa.

"I love fries cooked up by Ronald McDonald!" He screamed until no one heard him. He screamed and screamed ... and screamed. Until the old man came back in dreamy daze and said, "Those fries are unhealthly at you!" I love mexico.

jolly fur fearful bert and ernie

delicious nut & bolts in the wonderful flower gardens of north & south dakota

On of the best kept secrets are the going ons of the naughty & nice things in the restrooms at truck stops

but the best part is how foot loose & fancy free it is in the area. This is what you can experiance if you are rich.

sure, they have skeletons in their closets, and hamsters in their asses, but oh to be one of them!