Decided technological lands of "Silicon Valley" wasn't Cardboard enough for him. So he went to the Nerdyerness falls of Autry Mill. There he met a patriotic man who wasn't that social with other folks, and they

They reenacted the Attack on Pearl Harbor by Hang Gliding off the roof of "Frank's Patriotic Big & Tall Shop" and proceeded to beat anyone they saw with nine irons.

After they hang glided, they gave hugs to each other, and were arrested for assault and battery of the victims of their nine irons.

Soon the festering wounds of the victims kill them and the two witty men were able to out smart there way out of jail by giving the police aged linguine with clam sauce

The linguine had the police thinking the Loch Ness Monster was behind it all, so the patriotic man and Alan were able to have the charges dropped.

And then Abbot & Costello came and sang an entertaining round of about the metric system, which made everyone long for death & taxes on wine.

The glitzy song even brought Bill Clinton out to the show, after making his room all neat & clean after Monica Lewinsky left. He thought about buying a house so he wouldn't have to clean up after her before his wife returned.

So Bill Clinton had a brilliant idea to buy a house in Iraq where he owns a hash farm run by frail Iraqi kids who plan on starting a revolution.

Unfortunately for him, his wife Hillary told him work on ways to allow a bunch of fresh illegal immigrants into America and give them more benefits than Americans have instead of daydreaming about a house in Iraq.

Eventually all the singing, political commentary and whatnot subsided, and Alan Greenspan made his get-away from the cops with his patriot friend. Because they both had a strong affinity for American economic policy and large belt buckles, they immediately left for Dead Fish Texas--home of "Sam's Fine Beltbuckles"--on recommendation from Adam Sandler.

Dead Fish was famous for being a no fly zone for the federal anti-drug force choppers. Bill and Alan new that hash and tattoo parlors would be plentiful there

Now, you may be wondering why Bill and Alan get along so well, it all goes back to that flirtatious weekend they spent together in summer camp...alone.

With Ronald McDonald.

And Stephen King.

...arguing in the room next door, it made it difficult for Bill and Alan to get to know each other. Gunshots were fired in the room next door, so it was decided that after their earlier disagreements with the cops Alan thought It may be better to leave the Scene of the Crime quickly before they were questioned.

They fled through the huge woods barefoot, hand and hand.

once they found a safe sleeping ground with haunting looking goats, they laughed until one of them coughed up a large amount of burning liquid. An idea of selling this burning liquid came into the other's mind and impossible ideas ran as fast as a waterfall.

Bill said "You could could sell that in Supermarkets, I'm sure!" Alan seemed thoughtful, but was looking longingly at the goats.

"Ick, why are you staring at those goats like that!" Bill said. "Stick to clueless choir boys, their spotless innocence makes them like puppets to our slavish sexual deviancy."

"But why would they endure the painful sexual exploitation?" Alan thought. He dared not say his thoughts aloud, as it wouldn't be polite.

He just kept on enjoying their extreme doings.

Soon the goats' behinds were raw from their senseless sexual activities. They will never forget to tell this story during any high school reunions that may come up.

It may sound absurd, but most things are with Alan and Bill.

This is the type of people Higs School football players usually turn out to be.