It was unfortunate when later I learned that the steak and potatoes I had eaten was made out of a compilation of babies and old Snoopy embroidered napkins.

I also noticed that my tasty side dish of linguine with clam sauce had aged so quickly, that I had contracted syphilis shortly after I had taken my first bite.

What a weird and whimsical life I lead, despite the harsh consequences.

My life all scented with mud, as I was brought up on a field. Unlike Whoopie Goldberg and Clint Eastwood.

They were, like most successful actors, raised by gym teachers who passed the time playing golf.

Arrogant and brutal they wandered through the streets of London stealing glances at lonely hobos.

Explosively the sprung into a near by cafe clueless to what had happened there earlier on

It was lucky the mess had been cleared up they settled in naturally and ordered a coffee.

Humphrey Bogart played the piano in the corner whilst they sipped and the 1970s brown and orange decor soothed their tired eyes.